Scattered Thoughts + Some Damn-good CCC

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Popping Cava by 3pm on a Sunday and eating bread that's full of delicious personality-- this was how I chose to solidify the beginnings of my 28. Well, this plus an in-depth horoscope reading from the AstroTwins --I'm pleased to announce that this year's forecast looks promising!

I've been holding off on eating gluten and sugar. I think it's been something like 52 days, give or take two slip-ups?  I warned you I was taking a break, but something deep in me, maybe a craving, was awakened last week, and I had a flash of insight for how to put away a pint of strawberries--"Ah. I will wrap them inside a loaf of bread!"Well... four loaves.Well...I filled one batch with sliced strawberries and another with a quick rhubarb jam.  I shouldn't have to tell you that my third round of this recipe will be filled with both.


And here's a photo of the rhubarb one--not as crimson, but still delish.To me, this recipe was more satisfying than my most recent memory of a buttery, crusty croissants. Granted, my taste buds may be overexaggerating since they've been deprived of their long-awaited yeasted breads for some time, so I'll need you to try this recipe out for yourself and let me know what the deal is. How am I doing? Be honest.I started this post, lightly sauced on Sparkling bday wine and then watched it turn into a long rant about retraining my brain to be more present.  I think I'm too soon into this training practice to report any significant results. So I rewrote it all, and I will just share those conclusions when they feel more natural and/or juicy.For now, I'll just say: I've been trying to reprogram my mind, BUT I know the brain takes years to retrain. There are time stretches I do well, I'll feel unstoppable and blissful in my own world, running and getting caught up in the fun of it all. Then other days I trip and fall into a hard hole that increasingly grows deeper and colder with (what feels like) little effort. And by the time I come into awareness, I have to unbury myself from the mental pile of dirt I'm covered in.  Sounds dramatic, but it's real!I wondered if this was just the dreaded curse of the ambitious entrepreneur navigating murky waters all alone, or the introspective artist whom, as a rule, overthinks everything into abstraction, but now I'm beginning to think we all deal with pieces of this every day, no matter our journey or occupation--and it's quickly turning into a race with ourselves to see how fast we can save our minds from our minds.I just wanted to put it out there for anyone else battling with their own ego, struggling to live in the present with no fears of the future, the past, or their own material security. I'll let you know if I ever find a way to consistently maintain presence and appreciation for the present.  Until then, I'm happy to celebrate and indulge in a basic life staple today. To love on the simple things, while I'm currently conscious enough to do so.Bread. Sweet bread.


Strawberries n' Cream Bread

(adapted from the cinnamon raisin bread in Black Girl Baking)

Bread

  • 3 tbsp ground flax seeds

  • 1/2 cup hot water

  • 1 1/4 nut or grain milk, warmed to 115 degrees

  • 1/4 cup brown sugar or coconut sugar

  • 1 packet active dry yeast

  • 2 cups white whole wheat flour

  • 1/4 tsp salt

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour + more if needed, and even more for dusting

  • 1/2 stick butter (dairy-free if desired)

Filling

  • 1, 8-ounce package softened cream cheese (also, dairy free if desired)

  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar

  • zest of 1 lemon

  • 1 pint of strawberries, rinsed, stems removed, sliced and patted dry

  • Turbinado sugar, for sprinkling (optional)

Combine the flax meal and warm water in a small bowl and let sit for about 15 minutes to thicken.In a large mixing bowl add the warmed milk and dump in the brown sugar. Allow it to sink to the bottom, and sprinkle the yeast over the top. Allow the yeast to sit for 5-10 minutes until it froths.Stir the flax mixture before adding it to the large bowl with the yeast and milk. Dump in the white whole wheat flour and salt and mix everything together with your hands until it resembles an extra sticky, thick, almost pancake-like batter. Add in the all-purpose flour, and continue to combine with your hands until it's dense but still slight lumpy with a bit of flour still visible. Add in the softened butter and continue to combine.  Add more flour if the dough is too sticky. Transfer the dough to lightly floured surface and continue to knead until springy and smooth, about 3-4 minutes by hand, adding a little more flour at a time if the dough is still sticking excessively to the work surface.Transfer the kneaded dough to a large well-oiled bowl, turn the dough over to coat completely and cover with a kitchen towel and keep in a warm, dry place to double in size, about 60-90 minutes.Make the filling: Combine the cream cheese, sugar, and lemon zest. Set aside.Have two 8.5 X 4.5 loaf pans well oiled and lined with a strip of parchment paper.Remove the towel from the dough and punch the dough down to release the excess air. Cut the dough in half and roll it out to ~9 X 16-inch rectangle. Spread the surface of the dough with half the cream cheese mixture, and then arrange 1/2 the sliced strawberries on top of the cream cheese. Tightly roll up the bread starting from the shorter end.  Gently transfer the roll to one of the loaf pans, sprinkle with turbinado sugar, if using, and cover with plastic wrap. Do the same with the other half of the dough and the filling ingredients. Place both loaves in the fridge to rise overnight.Remove the loaves from the fridge and allow to come to room temperature, about 30-60ish minutes depending on the temperature of the room.Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F, and place a rack on the second lowest rung in the oven.Bake the bread in the oven for about 50 minutes, and then turn the oven off and allow to bread to come to room temperature in the oven. Once cooled, remove from the oven, slice and serve!


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+ Those Chocolate Chip Fig Tahini Cookies I promised:

Test #4/12ish (needed a little bit more flour)

Like my hard musical loops of Chris Singleton's

Tennessee Whisky (my current song obsession),

I haven't let up on my cookie consumption (or testing) either-- I'm wondering if I could make a paper mache cast of my entire body using all the leftover parchment paper I've singed and cycled through, but let's just keep this between you and me.

Test #9/12ish

I have more cookies to share, but this one I've tested, I don't know, at least a dozen times because I wanted them to be great. But it seemed that every time I re-made them something was funky with the way they rose or the way they spread or the color they turned. I'm throwing in the towel on them today though. They are delicious as hell, probably good as they'll ever get, and so it's time for me to set them free to roam around on the internet and possibly someone else's Pinterest board. Be free, my confectionary friends! Be free.

Test # 11ish/12ish - tbh, I ran out of figs at this stage...

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Recipe:

  • 1 tbsp agar agar flakes

  • 3 tbsp hot water

  • 3 tbsp tahini paste

  • 1/3 cup granulated sugar

  • 1/3 cup coconut sugar or packed light brown sugar

  • 1/3 cup olive oil (neutral oil or melted butter)

  • 2 tbsp coconut milk powder

  • 1/2 tsp baking soda

  • 1/4 tsp salt

  • 1 1/4 cups oat flour

  • heaping 1/2 cup chocolate chips

  • 3-4 large Turkish figs, chopped

Flaked sea salt for sprinklingPreheat the oven to 375 degrees F. and line a baking sheet with parchment.In a large mixing bowl combine all the ingredients in order one at a time, whisking after each addition for a uniform dough.  Using a small ice cream scoop, drop golf ball sized mounds of cookie dough onto the baking sheet, leaving 2-3 inches of space between each mound. Bake for about 10-12 minutes or until spread and crispy on the outside but slightly gooey in the middle. Remove from the oven and bang the cookies on the counter, sprinkle generously with flaked sea salt, and allow a couple minutes to cool slightly before eating. (Or eat immediately)Notes:

  1. I enjoyed experimenting with agar agar with this cookie instead of egg and/or its typical alternative(s).

  2. If the cookies aren't spreading enough, it could be the brand of tahini. Make sure to mix your tahini before measuring to distrubute the oil- Runnier tahini is best and gives the cookies a better spread. Or you can always add 1-2 tbsp of extra oil instead to supplement!

  3. ****I got the most crackles on the surface when I mixed/kneaded in the sugars AFTER I mixed in all the dry ingredients.


Reading

: How to Cook a Wolf- M.F.K, Fisher

Listening to:

 I usually share music, but this weekend, Eckhart Tolle did such a fantastic job of saving me from my stuck place, I have had him on loop while I work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wg_bb4t8yc

Diana Trout's interview:

  We had the pleasure of hearing pieces of Diana's story in person at the Healthyish Homecoming in Brooklyn, NY. last month, and hers is a huuuge inspiration for our journey. What I heard her say is on this podcast episode of Entrepreneur + more: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/306927